This is really well written ^_^ Thought I’d share. Too bad you can’t reblog asks automatically.
I’m an INTJ female. What is an INFP’s take on commitment (relationships, not marriage)? An INFP that I like is scared and reluctant to take that step and I don’t want to force him. How do I go about convincing him the world is not going to end if we just date?
I can only speak my experience/opinion so bare with me and this definitely doesn’t apply to all INFPs.
Well firstly I think that dating is never simple to an INFP. Maybe other INFPs disagree, but, I take dating as not a casual thing…..Dating for me is extremely stressful and taxing, I hate casual dating especially…I don’t know why, maybe it’s because i’m a romantic…who knows?!?!…….as a fellow INFP/INTJ match at one point I can say that there is a lot going on probably in your INFP’s head and heart.
In my situation the INTJ that was dating me liked me for a long time before I ever even remotely committed to him…we were friends first, and then out of no where he basically asks me to have a relationship with him…it totally threw me for a loop, I didn’t expect it…then again I look back and it was so obvious.
Anyways. I was terrified, here was this guy that I had actually let get close to me, closer than anyone before and now he wants to date me. “How lucky am I, yay, yes!” was the absolute last thing that went through my head. To be honest the first thing was “I’m going to drive you away and you won’t be in my Life anymore one day” then came the “I’m going to smother you with my unspoken needs.” and “I’ll be a pain in the ass for you. You don’t want me!” and “why? Why do you like me? I’m a mess. I’ll make your life a mess, you’ll have to watch me make consistently terrible choices!” but the one that scared me the most was “I don’t want to ever hurt you, you’re the closest person to me, the most I’ve ever cared for anyone.” I was terrified to admit my own feelings. I didn’t know how to respond.
He didn’t have to convince me much to attempt to date him because I was already in deep with feelings for him… so after a while of dating I got the impression that I was in love, and well, frankly, I was terrified even more so.
Your INFP could possibly be going through the very scary change that I went through…It was like dreamy fantasizer to reality-reliable…I could be totally wrong, just something I dealt with for commitment… I know with myself, having as stable and perfect of a match as the INTJ I knew I was terrified of make a concrete choice…I’m terrified of all concrete choices…I like options…(Plus I was concerned that I would break his heart eventually) I wanted to be free as a bird to do whatever I pleased and having those “ties” to him really scared me. Mainly- because I never wanted to hurt him with any of my actions…I was so close to him that I was intimidated by our relationship more than anything else….I was scared one day he’d leave me when he found out how much of a mess I was…Then i’d be heartbroken beyond repair.
My advice to you is to listen closely to your INFP about what is going on in his heart. Try to be open to what he says because usually INFPs struggle with passing “states of mind” and he may just be thinking it over…He may be dealing like I did with commitment issues…. It could be nothing, it could even change quickly.
But personally I believe the choice of “dating” is never easy for an INFP… I believe in soul mates in a weird almost idealistic way. I loved my INTJ beyond words, I think all INFPs in love can relate, it’s a very strong and unyielding bond…It may only happen once for some INFPs.
Maybe he’s going through a very difficult time trying to decipher how he feels about you, or maybe he just needs some space from you to decide what he wants to do. Whatever you do, don’t push him. He’ll come to his choice naturally, don’t worry….I hope this answer helped in some way, like I said this just my opinion, other INFPs feel free to submit answers!
-SuzannahAsk infpconnection a question #nfp ntj #infp relationships #ask #intj